Two players of the online music trivia game ‘SongPop’ met each other in the real world and are now engaged to be married.
Millions who love music have flocked to the music trivia game SongPop after seeing it in the music gear reviews. But two random competitors are taking their game to a whole new level: marriage.
Sara DeSpain and Nathan Purdom were playing SongPop on Facebook last summer and struck up an online conversation. After each game session – you hear a series of song clips and try to identify the artist or song faster than the other player – you can send a message to your competitor. They struck up a conversation. Using her profile picture, Purdom found DeSpain on Facebook and sent her a friend request. (Since then SongPop, which can also be played on mobile devices, has added a player locations to the game.)
“That is how it all happened because I was beating him more and more in SongPop so he had to know more about me,” says Sara DeSpain, 33, a self-described SongPop addict who owns a salon and day spa in Savanna, Ill., about 150 miles west of Chicago.
It turns out they lived only about 100 miles from each other, so they decided to meet face to face in September. “We connected immediately and we knew we were the ones for each other,” he says.
Purdom, 37, a surgical technician, proposed on Nov. 29 and DeSpain accepted. They plan to get married in May — they are yet to decide a wedding song. “I am very thankful that SongPop was on Facebook,” he says. “Even though she beats me constantly, we still enjoy playing against one another.”
The game, which is one of the most popular Facebook diversions, can be a place to flirt that was not the case with the couple. “I wasn’t even looking to date anyone and neither was he actually,” she says. “But thank god for SongPop, because I found my soul mate.”
Other games such as World of Warcraft have led to real-world teamups, but this is the first official wedding to be facilitated through SongPop, as far as developer Fresh Planet knows. “We created the game because we love music and the connection it provides- especially when there’s a bit of fun competition in the mix,” says CEO Mathieu Nouzareth, who founded the 16-person New York-based company. “In Sara and Nathan’s case, we were thrilled to hear how it had changed the course of their lives!”
Credit Courtesy of Sherry Turkle Sherry Turkle is a professor of the social studies of science and technology at MIT.
For Valentine’s Day, maybe you’ll post a photo of your loved one on Facebook, tweet out a love poem or text-message your secret crush. But as we make those virtual connections, are we missing something?
Weekend Edition Sunday is exploring a few of the places in our lives where technology can actually drive us apart and make real intimacy tough: in our romantic relationships, with our kids, even in the workplace.
So how did we get here? Sherry Turkle has thought a lot about this. She’s a professor of the social studies of science and technology at MIT. On the one hand, she says, barriers broken online can help people connect with others more deeply. But in hundreds of interviews about communications, the phrase Turkle hears the most is: “I’d rather text than talk.”
“We’re also moving into a world where we’re truncating our communications, making them briefer and briefer, where sometimes we’re willing to sacrifice conversation for mere connection,” she tells Rachel Martin, host of Weekend Edition.
There are benefits to backing off from confrontation, Turkle acknowledges. Some couples use email to fight, giving themselves time to cool down.
“On the other hand, there’s something very useful about learning how to be in a conversation where you have strong feelings and to experience someone else’s anger and your own and to control your feelings but to experience the humanity,” says Turkle, author of Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology And Less from Each Other.
Technology, Turkle says, can be a way of making relationships “less messy.” For example, when a teenager tries to get out of dinner with his grandparents, sending a text is less involved than calling.
“In other words, that sense that someone is waiting for him, that there’s expectations, that there’s human desire and expectation here,” she says. “And that’s what we’re getting out of. We just type, ‘I’m not coming.’ Send.”
Turkle is not arguing that we wistfully look back on the Internet-free days of the past.
“I’m arguing that if you want to put intimate conversation in your life, you need to leave a little space for it,” she says.
“We all get to keep our phones and love our phones, but now that we’re into a more mature use of the technology, we also need to be able to say, ‘For this conversation, we need to talk.’ ”
Copyright 2013 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.
Transcript
RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:
Valentine’s Day is coming up this week. Maybe you’ll post a photo of your loved one on Facebook, tweet out a love poem or text message your secret crush. There’s no doubt that our level of connectedness through smartphones and social media has made it a whole lot easier to reach out and touch those we love – at least virtually. But is there a downside to all this connectedness? Throughout the program today, we’re going to explore a few of the places in our lives where technology can actually drive us apart and make real intimacy tough. In our romantic relationships…
ALEXANDRA SAMUEL: I’d like to say we do say hello to each other face to face before we switch on any devices.
MARTIN: …with our kids.
SUE JORDAN: Why do you have this phone, David? Tell me why you don’t have your nice new phone.
DAVID JORDAN: Oh, I left it in my pocket and went down to the laundry room…
JORDAN: And?
JORDAN: …it went in the washer.
MARTIN: …even in the workplace.
SHAYNE HUGHES: Email is this tool that is quite powerful and it’s really embedded in how we do work.
MARTIN: So, how did we get here? Sherry Turkle has thought a lot about this. She’s a professor of social studies of science and technology at MIT, and we asked her if our digital devices make us more or less capable of real communication.
SHERRY TURKLE: Well, the answer to that question is – it’s complicated. So many people have shared with me their stories of how unburdened by bodies, social status, age-height-weight. A certain deeper truth about themselves comes out to another person they’d met online. But at the same time, I think as we live in a culture where increasingly I’d rather text than talk, after interviewing hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people about their current communications, that’s the phrase that I get most. We’re also moving into a world where we’re truncating our communications, making them briefer and briefer, where sometimes we’re willing to sacrifice conversation for mere connection.
MARTIN: Isn’t there though an argument that would say, you know, I can fly off the handle in person in one-on-one, face-to-face interactions, especially if it’s over something that’s tense, that’s confrontational, and that maybe it’s beneficial to take a deep breath and write an email, where I can be more deliberate and choose my words carefully.
TURKLE: Yes, absolutely. I’ve interviewed many husbands and wives actually who say that they prefer to do their fighting over email because they can have that cool-down. And that’s an interesting use of the technology. I don’t want to say that inventive people who are self-reflective about can use email constructively. On the other hand, there’s something very useful about learning how to be in a conversation where you have strong feelings and to experience someone else’s anger and your own, and to control your feelings but to experience the humanity…
MARTIN: And the messiness of that.
TURKLE: …and the messiness. And we’re sort of cleaning up human relationships and making them less messy. For example, kids today really don’t know how to apologize. I have a great example of a young boy about 13 who wants to get out of dinner with his grandmother and he wants to just send a message: not coming to dinner – send. And his father says to him – because they live in the same neighborhood – you go over and tell her you’re not coming to dinner, or you at least call. Because when he calls, he’s going to hear the grandmother say, but I’ve put the chicken in the oven. Your grandfather is waiting to hear about what you’re doing at school. In other words, that sense that someone is waiting for him. That there’s expectations, that there’s human desire and expectation here. And that’s what we’re getting out of. We just type: I’m not coming – send.
MARTIN: I mean, we all do that, right? It’s a lot easier to just write an email really quickly and say, sorry, can’t make it.
TURKLE: Exactly. And I think that that’s the kind of thing where we’re sort of taking shortcuts and we’re shortchanging ourselves.
MARTIN: But you’re not arguing that we wistfully look back on years past and a different time. We live in the world we live in with the devices and technology we have and it improves our lives immeasurably in many ways. You’re a busy working mom. I imagine you use technology.
TURKLE: All the time. I’m not arguing any kind of retro position. I’m arguing that if you want to put intimate conversation in your life, you need to leave a little space for it. It is not a luddite thing to say or it is not a retro thing to say. I love texting you. I love keeping in touch with text. But for this conversation, we really need to talk. We all get to keep our phones and love our phones. But now we’re into a more mature use of the technology, we also need to be able to say for this conversation we need to talk.
MARTIN: Sherry Turkle is a professor of social studies of science and technology at MIT. Sherry, thanks so much for talking with us.
TURKLE: My pleasure. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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